Time, Truth, and Hearts

I've been so confused lately.

I have begun to lose memories. I can't remember what is most important. I've started forgetting about Matt's accident. I've forgotten about From Cumorah's Hill. I've forgotten all those therapy sessions with Brother Pratt. I have forgotten that night in Idaho. I have forgotten "A More Excellent Way". I have forgotten everything from Chain of Memories and Reverse/Rebirth.I have forgotten last Christmas. I've forgotten Wind Rivers. I have forgotten Sand Hollow. I have forgotten Martin's Cove. I have forgotten Angel's Landing. I have forgotten everything....and worst of all...I can't remember Helaman Halls.

Everything that was close to my heart has begun to fade away. All my memories are becoming gray and hazy.

I mean, I reject the darkness now...but at the same time it lingers because I have begun to reject the light. Because I don't know where to go anymore. I've become a Nobody at last, it seems.

It was sometime over the weekend when it finally became too much. Apparently, there must be something wrong with me. Because I am missing it. What is it? Why can't I find the want, the desire, to do something? Why can't I be motivated to believe?

Why can't I find something to fight for?

"Your friends, your family...everything. First the light, then the dark. Your heart only knows how to throw things away. That's why no one is here with you. That is why your memories are empty. Just like your heart."

--DiZ, from Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories