Thou Hypocrite
I am so astonished. One day I am in my reborn light, the next I submit to my reborn darkness. The moment after I am ashamed and resolve to turn down the next offer to sin. Less than two hours later I take the temptation gladly and hurl myself back down again. Picking me apart again. Betraying my Father again.
If I was in someone else's shoes watching these things, I wouldn't believe my eyes. I would never think that someone could be so stupid, stubborn, and hypocritical.
I'm too ashamed to beg for mercy. I'm too ashamed to brush the dust off and start again. I'm too ashamed to make amends. I'm too ashamed to cry out to Him. I'm too ashamed to let it go. I'm too ashamed to get what I need. I'm too ashamed to follow those home-guiding and bone-igniting lights back home.
I'm too ashamed to ask Him to fix me again.
If I was in someone else's shoes watching these things, I wouldn't believe my eyes. I would never think that someone could be so stupid, stubborn, and hypocritical.
I'm too ashamed to beg for mercy. I'm too ashamed to brush the dust off and start again. I'm too ashamed to make amends. I'm too ashamed to cry out to Him. I'm too ashamed to let it go. I'm too ashamed to get what I need. I'm too ashamed to follow those home-guiding and bone-igniting lights back home.
I'm too ashamed to ask Him to fix me again.
posted by Alexander at 8:28 PM
3 Comments:
been there. i think that one of the most ironic instances (not one of the most severe, but a good one for example) is saying my evening prayers, asking for forgiveness for being angry and contentious with everyone and pleading for help to do better, when my brother walks in to tell me something and i turn around and snap at him, telling him to shut up, not to invade me, and to get out of my face. after, i caught myself in the mirror and just kind of bitterly laughed and my stupidity. dupe. i felt dumb. i can't remember if i apologized or not.
That's not necessarily being ashamed... Seems like pride to me. Read the last two paragraphs, substituting "proud" for "ashamed". Being ashamed -- which you probably are -- is also a cover for pride. Refusing Our Father's mercy and His Son's sacrifice is also a sin.
"I'm too ashamed to beg for mercy."
I can't remember who said my response to that, but it goes something like this: "If you don't feel like praying, pray until you feel like praying."
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