Reverse/Rebirth
The things I do make me terrified. They also make me happy. It's almost as if I can't stop this other person that I've created, because it seems like the only way to beat him is to become him. And the only way to escape my world is to become him. And the only person I'll ever be is when I've become him.
Yet at the same time, I know that what I'm doing is wrong, and that I have to choose between the two me's. They can no longer exist at once. So I need to kill one of them once and for all.
But which one should I destroy? Should I completely kill myself, and then rebuild from the old fragmented remains of my heart? The darkness might still exist if I do that. But if I just kill one of them, the darkness might come back and infect all over again. I guess either way I'm faced with the possibility of the dark returning.
Even a riven heart can be rebuilt with time. So I must completely destroy it. I have to kill someone. I have to try and stop myself once and for all. Or, I must surrender and become him.
Either way, one of us is about to die. Hopefully, by the time the sun rises tomorrow morning somebody will be dead.
And from the ashes, something must be born. But what will emerge? From the ruins of my heart what will be born? Only in death can something be born. To save myself I have to die. This time, I have to destroy the darkness completely. None of this lingering shadow stuff. Not even a drop. This is going to take a lot of work, because I just lost yet another battle the second time today. My faith is wavered in myself.
But I'm determined now. Someone is gonna die. Tonight.
Yet at the same time, I know that what I'm doing is wrong, and that I have to choose between the two me's. They can no longer exist at once. So I need to kill one of them once and for all.
But which one should I destroy? Should I completely kill myself, and then rebuild from the old fragmented remains of my heart? The darkness might still exist if I do that. But if I just kill one of them, the darkness might come back and infect all over again. I guess either way I'm faced with the possibility of the dark returning.
Even a riven heart can be rebuilt with time. So I must completely destroy it. I have to kill someone. I have to try and stop myself once and for all. Or, I must surrender and become him.
Either way, one of us is about to die. Hopefully, by the time the sun rises tomorrow morning somebody will be dead.
And from the ashes, something must be born. But what will emerge? From the ruins of my heart what will be born? Only in death can something be born. To save myself I have to die. This time, I have to destroy the darkness completely. None of this lingering shadow stuff. Not even a drop. This is going to take a lot of work, because I just lost yet another battle the second time today. My faith is wavered in myself.
But I'm determined now. Someone is gonna die. Tonight.
posted by Alexander at 11:05 PM
4 Comments:
I've been there, Marcus. We all have our own circumstances, but are ultimately given the same choices. The thing is, it's nearly impossible to make a once-and-for-all choice. You must forsake the Dark all your life. Satan will continue to try and get you, no matter how many times you reject him. So don't expect a final solution: know that this trial means that you did something right, and that you can make the right choice again. Just be strong and believe.
I'm sorry, Amaya. But if you check the Book of Mormon just about anywhere, you'll find that you are mistaken, as are many Mormons who forsake the chance to really live the gospel to the fullest.
Can you please show me how I'm wrong?
You are what I consider a pheonix, and that I shall continue to call you. The death in flame and rebirth in the ashes. You must be reborn. Not reversed. Reversal can only damage progress, rebirth hastens it.
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