Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
I'm feeling kinda weird right now because I'm on a marathon fast, and I'm also on a marathon scripture reading. I really should stop and get to Leviticus, but an update on my recent epiphanies is needed, I think.
I didn't know exactly what I needed. Or what I wanted. All I knew is that I want some kind of experience that "money cannot buy". In the middle of my AP English Literature class, I found out exactly what I need. I was going over hymns, because one of the steps in this process is supposed to be to have a song/prayer in your heart. The hymn "Because I Have Been Given Much" was going through my head, and I came across the words:
I shall divide my gifts from thee
With every brother that I see
Who has a need of help from me.
(This hymn has always been one of my favorites because it's from my childhood days, from watching a series called Lorenzo. A million points goes to anyone who knows what that is.)
It finally dawned on me that something I should want is a strong, mighty testimony that, if I am given, I will share it with every single person I know until my dying day. So, now that is my prayer. "To be only yours, I pray to be only yours: I know now you're my only hope."
You know, when I was thinking about what to fight for, I wondered why I didn't want to fight for another season of peace akin to April, May, and June of 2005. One of the things that made it so blissful was that I had no memories of my darkness. But is that what happiness really is? Not remembering your sins? Is that possible?
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
-- Alexander Pope, "Eloisa to Abelard"
(I really like the way Kate Winslet says this in the film.)
I think that, moreover, you become blameless. That you are innocent. And that in such innocence.......you are made completely free. That's where "Daylight" came from. Because I felt so free. And I felt that way only until the end of April when I went to the temple. Because that is when I was forgiven. And to feel blameless and innocent is truly the most liberating piece of sunshine you can have...to feel spotless at the mercy seat.
I didn't know exactly what I needed. Or what I wanted. All I knew is that I want some kind of experience that "money cannot buy". In the middle of my AP English Literature class, I found out exactly what I need. I was going over hymns, because one of the steps in this process is supposed to be to have a song/prayer in your heart. The hymn "Because I Have Been Given Much" was going through my head, and I came across the words:
I shall divide my gifts from thee
With every brother that I see
Who has a need of help from me.
(This hymn has always been one of my favorites because it's from my childhood days, from watching a series called Lorenzo. A million points goes to anyone who knows what that is.)
It finally dawned on me that something I should want is a strong, mighty testimony that, if I am given, I will share it with every single person I know until my dying day. So, now that is my prayer. "To be only yours, I pray to be only yours: I know now you're my only hope."
You know, when I was thinking about what to fight for, I wondered why I didn't want to fight for another season of peace akin to April, May, and June of 2005. One of the things that made it so blissful was that I had no memories of my darkness. But is that what happiness really is? Not remembering your sins? Is that possible?
How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
-- Alexander Pope, "Eloisa to Abelard"
(I really like the way Kate Winslet says this in the film.)
I think that, moreover, you become blameless. That you are innocent. And that in such innocence.......you are made completely free. That's where "Daylight" came from. Because I felt so free. And I felt that way only until the end of April when I went to the temple. Because that is when I was forgiven. And to feel blameless and innocent is truly the most liberating piece of sunshine you can have...to feel spotless at the mercy seat.
posted by Alexander at 10:33 AM
2 Comments:
Hmm, yes, at times you did seem slightly distracted in Lit. I wish you the best in your journey.
good luck. it's not entirely related, but your post reminds me of "better days" by the goo goo dolls. it's a good song.
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